COSTLY ASSUMPTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Introduction:

Most young girls have been battered, shattered and have suffered broken heart because of the mistakes they made in a relationship.  Some no longer have the word Trust in their dictionary and this has affected them in getting married while some that later got married ended with either a broken home or a non-peaceful home. These traumatic experiences have their roots in the costly assumptions our young girls have when they are into a relationship.

What are they?

1. The way I feel is the way he feels: Some people use their own feeling to measure up another’s. Because you love him then you believe he loves you too; let me inform us at this juncture that every man has his or her own love language. Therefore do not assume that because he buys gift for you and your own love language is gift then he loves you.
2. Good relationship must end in marriage: A lot of sisters have left their churches; some even the Faith because a brother whom they assumed would marry them is getting married to another. The question I usually ask such sisters is “Did he propose to you?” that you are in good terms with a bro does not mean that you are engaged. This is a costly assumption.
3. The will of God must be appealing to me: When a brother proposes to a sister, the sister does not care to pray over the proposal because she feels he cannot be God’s will for her. May be because he is not a graduate, he is not financially okay, or maybe he is not physically attractive. Some keep quoting that “God will grant me my heart desire”. This has made a lot of people miss the perfect will of God for them in marriage and that is why you see couples living like Tom and Jerry. What a costly assumption.
4. Giving all he demands shows him how much I love him: Some of our young girls believe that "if I don’t give a man what he demands he may leave me". This has contributed a lot to the high immorality rate. Don’t forget that a lot of wolf are in sheep clothing and I always tell my girls “Don’t do it until you say I do”.
5. If I feel strong enough for him, then I can marry him: This is taking decision by feelings (eg Ammnom). Feeling is not the best barometer for test of love.

Why do people make these mistakes?         

These assumptions most times are based on insecurity and unbelief. When you don’t trust that God is able to keep what He has given you.

There is also the fear of singlehood, not getting married.

How do you conquer these mistakes?

1. Talk to yourself: This is the best sermon you can ever preach. Tell yourself that if you don’t marry, it should not cause you to lose your faith.
2. Train yourself: Personal development will guarantee you a high quality, and men will look for you. You shouldn’t look for them. Unfortunately, we train ourselves just like the world (Education). You can train yourself in basic manners like, how to sit, talk, etc how to be open without being vulnerable.
3. Tame yourself: Look at those things your family member’s always complain about you and deal with them.

Article written by Papa CNC Onyeledo.